#CMO2012 National Coming Out Day

while trolling facebook early this morning, i was made aware that today is national coming out day.  In reading that, i became overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude.  gratitude for being “out.”  for being loved by those in my life for exactly who and what i am.  not everyone agrees with my sexuality, but most people in my life seem to accept it.  and for that, i am grateful.

i remember when i realized i was gay.  that feeling of uncertainty.  excitement.  a new energy that illuminated. i had just been intimate with a woman for the first time.  my body spoke to me.  and so did hers.  it was a feeling i had never experienced before.  i was 24 years old.  and my life was about to change.

i never quite felt right with men.  i was always “one of the guys.”  i had boyfriends and experiences with men throughout my younger life, but i never really felt intimately connected to them.  They were buddies, not really boyfriends.  i tried, but was unsuccessful at playing the heterosexual.  even when i thought i was heterosexual!

at 24, i was handed a gift.  and since then, i have found passion.  intimacy.  love.  expression.  with women.  i began to live with a deeper sense of authenticity.

my “coming out” experience was fairly organic.  one day, i was gay.  and from that day on, i have been gay and will forever be, from what i can tell.   life just naturally progressed in that direction for me.  i told my closest friends, who claimed to know i was gay before i did.  i slowly came out to my family.  that was the scariest and toughest part of outing myself.  like i said, not everyone agrees with my sexuality, but most seem to accept it.

i feel blessed to have the ability to live without fear of my sexuality.  i believe in expression of who i am. and being gay is a huge part of that expression.  it does not define me, but it is a permanent glowing impression on my blueprint.

happy #nationalcomingoutday to all. #cmo2012 #countmeout

 

 

 

 

what does ‘americana’ look like?

i am doing visual research on the subject ‘americana’ for a project i am working on and it has really saddened me.  the visuals that are tied with the word ‘americana’ are horrifying to me.  america and what it is known for seems to visually look like McDonald’s burgers.  super sized fries. coke. and mass amounts of junk food.  i even ran across an advert for a DONUT BURGER:

we really have become a fast food crack house of a country.  the red white and blue has been well associated with McDonald’s since the burger was 15 cents:

and it has only gotten worse.  i used the search term “americana” and here are just a few of the images that i ran across:

a picture of american health huh?  i think not.

and we wonder why we are in the midst of an obesity crisis.  some call it an epidemic.

we introduce this horrible food to our kids at such a young age.  McDonlad’s happy meals.  cotton candy.  gummy bears.  coke.  ice cream.  etc.  they become little addicts of junk food quickly.

i loved fast food as a kid.  as a teenager.  i craved it.  the sapidity of it all.   my taste buds coated with the salty fried goodness.  i wanted more. and more.  and more.  and more.  fast food is addictive.  fried fatty, salty food is addictive.  sugary sweets are addictive.  just like cocaine.  alcohol.  nicotine.  there is not much of a difference, in my opinion.  

some people don’t buy the idea that food is addictive.  that the term addiction should be linked only to  drugs and alcohol and that people who overeat are simply lacking self-control and self-will.  hmmmmm.  i disagree.  lets examine this further:

“What other term would you use for a woman who gets into her car at 11:30 at night and drives six miles to the 7-Eleven to get a chocolate bar, and does it every night? She’s gaining weight, she feels profoundly guilty afterward, and though she resolves to stop this behavior, she does it every night, night after night? That’s a food addiction.” – (pulled from webMD)

that sounds much like the actions of a drug addict.  replace the word chocolate with cocaine, vodka, or heroin.  addiction is addiction. and america is feeding it to us by the mouthful.  breeding addicts through inexpensive, fattening, processed, meat heavy, dairy heavy, salty, sugary, horrible excuses for food and beverage.

luckily i escaped food addiction in young adulthood.  i woke up to reality and realized the harm i was doing to myself.  i managed to stay away from fast food 90 percent of the time once i reached 25 years of age.

i got even smarter close to a year ago, at age 35, when i chose to become vegan.  today i am a compassionate, healthy, plant-based consumer.  and i couldn’t be happier with that decision…and i certainly feel much healthier ridding my body of americas fast food, meat and dairy based consumption.  i am a guilt free consumer today.  and the chances of me becoming obese, are much less being a vegan.  and i feel good, knowing no animal died in order for me to eat today.

i hope that america can move away from the iconic fast food symbolism that has been stamped upon us, and adopt a much more compassionate, healthy, guilt free visual for the red white and blue.

aren’t these much nicer visions of health:

i think so.  and i challenge you to give healthy and compassionate living a try.  only good will come of it.  and if you think being vegan lacks taste in the mouth, you are mistaken.  it is some of the best, most imaginative food i have ever had.  i will never go back to how i ate in my younger years.  i couldn’t possibly stomach it, for a number of reasons.  but for the purpose of this blog….try the change for your health, if nothing else.

 

 

 

 

im just like a rescue dog.

key fact #9 about donna.

9.  i am adopted.

i am just like all the other rescue animals in the world.  once an unwanted, mixed breed child with no home.  but i was whisked up into a loving family at the tender age of 19 days old.  i was “chosen,” as they say.  i am “special.”  eh…i never really bought those statements.  all children are created equal.  nothing extra special about me.  i was just a kid who needed a home.  and i got one.  a home that i am ever so grateful for and a family that i ultimately love to tears.

the breakdown of my immediate family:

who we are:

my adoptive mother, otherwise known as just plain MOM

my adoptive father, otherwise known as just plain DAD.  he passed away when i was three.

my adoptive sister, otherwise known as my older sister laura (she was also adopted).

my sister was adopted 6 years before i came into this world.

although my mother did not birth me, she gave me life.  she was there when i was sick.  she saw my tears when i was sad. or hurt.  she celebrated my birthday every year. she came to my ball games.  my brownie events.  she sold girl scout cookies to her co-workers for me so i could be prized as a top seller.  she cleaned me up when i scraped my elbows or knees.  she disciplined me, yet gave me freedom of self.  most of all, mom loved me into the woman i am.  and she still loves me.  she is my mother.   and she will always be my mother.  mom is a fighter and she took the reigns when dad died and  made sure my sister and i were well taken care of.  my mother is an amazing woman!  i wouldn’t change my situation even if i could.

being adopted, for me, was just who i was.  i never separated from that fact. it just was.

hello my name is donna and i am adopted.

i am grateful i was given up by my birth parents.  clearly if they felt the need to give me to another family, they did not have the skills to raise a child or the love to give a child.  so i’d rather be given to a family who wants me, then kept with a family who wished my conception never was.  perhaps that sounds harsh, but i certainly don’t mean it harshly. it’s the simple truth.

i know my birth parents today and much of my birth family.  i met them when i was 18 years old.  and i love them dearly.  and i am grateful i was given the chance at life, even if it wasn’t with them growing up.  consider the alternative, and i wouldn’t be here right now writing this blog.

so, im happy.

i’d like to briefly share three popular myths about us adopted kids.

Myth #1: Adopted kids grow up to have lots of problems.

us adoptees are generally very well-adjusted individuals.  studies actually show this.  being raised by a loving family, especially starting as an infant, is what makes a child blossom.  other issues that may arise in a person…..alcoholism, addiction of sorts, mental illness, educational problems, etc. are not to be blamed on adoption.  in my opinion most of these issues are hereditary.  not manifested from the fact that a person was adopted.  look at uggie.  he was adopted and he is a very well-adjusted, celebrity superstar!

Myth #2: You can’t really love an adopted child as much as you could love your “own” child.

this myth kind of pisses me off.  love is not limited to biology!  a child is a child is a child.  and a child is pure love.  yes there is something to be said for carrying a baby in your womb for 9 months, i am sure.  there is a bond that is irreplaceable, i imagine.  however, once you have a baby in your hands, and that baby is yours…biological or not, there is an instant love.  if there isn’t, then you probably shouldnt be a parent.  that’s my opinion.  someone who can’t love a baby because they are not made of the same dna as them, might have some issues of their own that need to be examined.  love of a child, biological or not, grows from the life experience together…from raising that child.  teaching that child.  nurturing and parenting that child.

Myth #3: Your adopted child will never really consider you her real parents.

bullCRAP.  real parents are there when a child is sick.  they hug you.  they stay up all hours of the night worrying about you.  they bake you birthday cakes.  they are there for all of your “firsts”.  real parents celebrate you daily.  they  monitor your vegetable intake.  they tell you no.  they discipline.  they praise you for accomplishments.  they give you allowance and they ground you from tv.  they love you unconditionally.  those are real parents!

LOL.  this picture is just plain funny so i had to share.

well, fact #9 has been revealed.  again i say, proudly:

hello my name is donna and i am adopted.

the anti-gay pastor preaches like an anti-gay lunatic

“If I had to say it again, I would say it differently, no doubt,” harris is quoted as saying. “Those weren’t planned words, but what I do stand by is that the word of God makes it clear that effeminate behavior is ungodly. I’m not going to compromise on that,” says north carolina preacher sean harris, in his defense against the outrage swarming his spoken word as a “man of god.”

effeminate behavior is ungodly?  that is the most ridiculous statement i have heard in quite some time.  it actually blows my mind to bits knowing that people, let alone people of god, are still speaking such ignorant, hateful words regarding the LGBT community. what year are we in? 2012.  things have changed mr. preacher man.  god is not the hater, you are.  in my opinion, you are a power-hungry man filled with such deep insecurity its hard for you to breathe on some days.  your authentic self is so buried deep in your ungodly soul that the spirit of the higher power you speak of is suffocating within you.  the dark walls that surround your being makes it hard for any light to seep through.  especially the light of god.  you are a bully.  your weapon of choice are your words.  you are damaging many lives with your judgement and lack of common knowledge regarding the human race, it’s differences, and the basis of lifes force…love.

lets now review your recent sermon and the lesson you give for treating effeminate behavior in our children.

wow.  as upsetting as your sermon makes me, my heart aches for you.  i have no choice but to have compassion for your ignorant views and beliefs.  your sad insight on god.  and your belief that he/she will judge us for who we choose to love.  and most importantly, your advice on punching our children, should they display any sort of “homosexual behavior.”  shame on you, pastor sean harris.  shame on you.

hello my name is donna and i am a lesbian.

i am a woman, and i love another woman.  my god will not punish me for giving my love to another.  male or female.  my god wants me happy.  joyous.  and free.  my god does not want me to judge my fellow human beings as ungodly.  for any reason.  because my god is love.  and love is the ultimate force of lifes drive.

all the cool girls are lesbians!

not really, but that is fun to say, being a lesbian myself.

i was thinking about my past relationships in life, and yes there were a few with men, and i began to daydream about why i enjoy being a lesbian.  here are the TOP 7 reasons that came to mind:

why i enjoy being a lesbian…

1.  my girlfriend and I communicate.  i mean we really communicate.  we analyze, dissect, marinate, and psycho-babble ourselves into the 4th dimension.  which i absolutely love!  we don’t yell, or scream, or throw things to get our point across.  we don’t intentionally cause emotional pain.  we talk.  and if needed we figure out how to do things better next time around to avoid conflict.  sounds so adult-like huh?  well my friends, it is.

2.  women understand each other.  a man will never fully understand a women’s mind, nor will a woman ever fully understand a man’s mind.  we really are from different galaxies.  two women in a relationship makes for two similar brain cycles working together.  women are naturally more emotional beings.  we can be dramatic.  overtly sensitive.  we think more deeply.  we cry more often then men.  we feel things on an abysmal level.  and we intuitively know how to comfort another woman in need of comforting.  it’s a natural instinct.  in my experience, (heterosexual) men don’t really have much of a clue about comforting, nor do they want to learn about how to do it.  tears make them uber uncomfortable.

3.  sex is intuitive.  that should be obvious.  when you have the same parts, you know what to do with them.  and in my opinion, sex is also way more intimate and emotional (for me) with another woman.  my past experience with men lacked intimacy.  it was sex for the act of sex.  not sex for the act of love.   plus, it simply didn’t feel right to me.

4.  the menstrual cycle isn’t seen as dooms day.  it’s understood and not ran from.

5.  women can kiss!  there is no kiss like a womans kiss.  if my lips touch the right woman, i feel it through every inch of my body.  its electric. and it is truly one of my favorite things to do…kissing my girl is a beautiful thing.

6.  im just one of the guys.  i get along with men on a different level now.  im looked at as one of them.  it’s loads of fun!  men are way more themselves when us women are not in sight.  they talk differently and they say things they otherwise wouldn’t dare say in front of a woman.  but after finding out im a lesbian, there is not much held back by the guys any longer.  i hear the way they talk about that girl over there in those skin-tight jeans.  it can be very boorish, but i must admit it’s sometimes fun to play that macho man role with the boys now and again. the men may talk with some vulgarity, and no one  (generally) gets hurt or offended.  im just one of the guys, as they say.  and really, i always have been.  i should have known long long ago i was a lesbian!

7.  no one questions why i am wearing a tie.  and damn it, i love ties!

i am a grateful and very happy lesbian.  i wouldn’t change things if i could.  i am what i am and i love what i am.

i still love men, i just don’t want to sleep with them or have a “relationship” with them.  women have my heart.

xoxo

thanks for stopping by.

can you make love to your apple device?

i bet there is an app for that! 

so i had to look.  and sure enough…

im not certain how i feel about the above app.  so i will not say anymore about it.

my iphone, ipad, and laptop macbook pro do not have a pulse.  they can not take a breath.  yet i have treated them as if they do.  these technological devices had become my main means of social interaction.  and for an introvert like myself, i welcomed this illusion of a social environment.  why?  because they made me feel “a part of” in areas i never felt “a part of” before.

that probably sounds a bit pathetic.  but im all about honesty in my life today, so if the truth makes me appear pathetic to you, then so be it.  however, i suspect i am not the only one who feels like they are finally a “part of “ this newly impersonal society we live in.  i might just be more apt to admit it and share it publicly then the next person.

i have never liked to talk on the phone.  today i (generally) don’t have to.  i can text.  i can email.  or facebook you.

for most of my life i never felt secure, safe, or comfortable with you in a room, or in a room full of many “youse”.  or sitting at the dinner table with you.  i found a solution for that.  social media.  i could  now feel comfortable walking into your world…your timeline via facebook or twitter.  i can see you from a distance and i can tell you how i feel without actually speaking to you.  i can watch your wedding.  the birth of your first child. your kids growing.  their first puppy.  your first divorce.  breakups. etc.  i can find out your interests via pinterest or your wordpress blog.  i can learn about your professional life via linkden or branchOut.  basically, i can be a part of your life without ever actually physically seeing you. touching you. hugging you, or hearing your voice. etc.

it’s rather incredible.  and on the other hand, it is rather sad.  I am almost 36 years old.  im not so concerned with myself and my lack of social abilities.  but the youngsters in the world are missing out on the vital practice of social interaction.  real human interaction is crucial for physical, mental, and spiritual growth and development.  in my opinion, kids are being stunted by the lack human to human interaction and contact.  i was born socially inept.   after all, i am an addict/alcoholic which breeds social anxiety, awkwardness and fear.  but for those born without the alcoholic gene or disposition, real human interactions can only be beneficial.

for those of you who have been keeping up with my blog, you know many changes are slowly and rapidly occurring with me.  one of which is my ability to socialize a little better.  my mouth no longer ALWAYS feels stapled shut when in a room with you.  i might not be little miss social butterfly, but i have improved and my comfort zone has widened.  basically, i am not relying on social media/networks to stay “connected” to the human race any longer.  i still use it.  in fact, i think i use it more now than before.  but that is because my interest in you and my interest in life has blossomed.  and social networks are still the best way to keep track of you.  but i don’t have to rely on them any longer to feel “a part of” this world.  to feel “a part of” the human race. 

REAL PEOPLE. REAL SOCIAL INTERACTION. oh yeah…and REAL SMILES.

i think social networking is fabulous and beneficial in many ways.  but for awhile there it was my only form of “interaction,” and that interaction is really just a grand illusion. now i use these platforms more for information about you, not for the illusion of intimacy.  intimacy in my life now comes from real contact in human relationships.  i now know that i can’t really feel connected to you unless i can look you in the eyes.  hear the tone of your voice. and even give you a warm hug, expressing the joy i have for knowing you are in my life.  my tangible life, not my online story.

don’t take yourself too damn seriously. no one cares.

key fact #7

7.  i don’t take myself too damn seriously.

how serious do you take yourself?  be honest.  humans are egotistical.  we are ego-driven.  and ego-protective.  generally, humans are raised observing people reacting to life based on how it will affect THEM.  thus we begin absorbing egotistical practices at a very young age.  and we grow into adulthood with the notion that everybody is looking at us, thinking about us, or talking about us.  the world is out to get us.  and so are you, my so-called friend.   our ego’s inflate.  and inflate. and inflate.

ego is not all evil.  it’s good to have an ego.  it’s needed for protection.  a sense of safety.  im not so sure we can survive without it.  however, with an out of control ego, the world can become very small. and very one-sided.

what happens if i begin to take myself too seriously?

i can’t speak for you, so im going to just speak for myself here.  if i become too serious, i stop taking chances.  my sense of humor gets lost.  and laughter becomes rare.  i get competitive, which in my opinion, is not desirable. i fall back into that place where i lose myself and my authenticity because im too busy adjusting who i am to meet your needs and what i think you want me to be.  and, above all, i lose my true connection with people.  my world becomes fear based, and when i live in fear, i cannot succeed.  nor live happily.  freely.  or authentically.  all this from taking myself too seriously.  get it?

“I thought the problem for me was you. Then I realized the problem for me was me. The next thing I knew I was free.”

when the focus on life becomes all about me, and when my ego takes over, im in trouble.  im unhappy.  im driving on the ego centered super highway.   therefore, i try to stay in the laughter , and humor, and not constantly look in the mirror for something that is not there.  rather, accept what is, and move on with a smile.

this is not to say that there aren’t things in the world that need my serious face and attention.  obviously i take my job seriously.  i take the tragedies in our world seriously, etc.  its ME that i try not to take SO seriously.

we live in a world with a lot of heartache and we bear witness to so much pain and suffering, that to live life in all seriousness would be too much.  to constantly worry about me me me…and what you think of me me me….and how your choices in life will affect me me me…..is exhausting and not at all fun.  i’d rather be of service to you and the universe, then to focus so much attention on myself.

and that my friends is what i mean by not taking myself too seriously.

yipeeeeeeeee!!

an introvert is not contagious!

key fact #6 about donna.

  • i enjoy time alone
  • i consider only deep relationships as friends
  • i feel drained after outside activities, even if they were fun
  • i am a good listener
  • i appear calm and self-contained
  • i think then speak or act

people with introverted personalities have an inward focus and aren’t usually the “life of the party.” we have a strong sense of self that can make us feel highly self-conscious around other people – making walking into a crowded room a little nerve-wracking. introverts have a hard time being silly in front of the camera and telling jokes to more than a couple of people at a time, but they can be extremely witty. they are less “larry, curly, and moe” and more woody allen – but that doesn’t mean introverts’ personality traits are neurotic!

introverts process their emotions, thoughts, and observations internally. they can be social people, but reveal less about themselves than extroverts do. we are more private, and less public. we need time to think before responding to a situation, and develop our ideas by reflecting privately. introverts’ personality traits can be passionate, and sometimes aggressive. (some of the above facts were taken from the adventurous writer)

the only thing i might disagree with, in regards to me, is the part about being more private, and less public.  im generally a rather open gal, if i trust you.  in fact, sometimes i think i share too much info about myself!

being an introvert is not a bad thing.  but we often get a bad wrap in the world.  i am often accused of being rude, or snobby.  why?  cause i am quiet upon meeting you.  the observer in me surfaces.  it just takes me, and other introverts, longer to warm up to you. it takes us longer to open our mouths.  all the small talk that goes on in the world is painful and would simply rather be avoided by this girl and probably most introverts. in my opinion, small talk is meaningless and a waste of precious time.

i would prefer to go to dinner with two friends, or coffee with one, then to a house party or cocktail gathering of many.  i would rather spend 5 nights a week alone with my girlfriend, having quality time together, than 5 nights a week “being seen” in the world.  i prefer to have a cup of coffee out on the porch or at an outside cafe, with a book in hand, then racing around trying to find the next big event or party.  im an introvert.  i prefer simplicity over show.  this doesn’t mean i am not social.  or that introverts arent social.  it just means we need solitude to charge our battery where extroverts need to be around other people to charge theirs.  make sense?

the fact is, we live in an extroverted world.  us introverts stand out.  we appear odd.  rude.  snobby.  or uptight.  we are out numbered.  we make up 25% of the population.  the other 75% are made up of extroverts.  no wonder introverts “look funny” to many!  we are out numbered.

to all you extroverts out there.  before you judge the quiet ones, remember this blog.  we are fabulous, kind, smart, loving, extremely loyal individuals.  stop focussing on the surface of what you see, and dig a little deeper.  you may find someone very intriguing if you shovel beyond the surface.

hello my name is donna, and i am an introvert.

oh and p.s.  introverts are not contagious!  

stay tuned for key fact #7 about who donna is.

thanks for stopping by…

 

 

 

i’ll be in the background, if you’re looking for me.

key fact #5 about who donna is.

5.  i am an observer.

my favorite pastime is people watching.  places like venice beach, ca are uniquely fabulous for this kind of “hobby.”  i’ll ride my bike down to the beach.  find a place to park myself.  out of the crowd.  in the background of it all.   a place where i can sit back and watch the show.  often times i’ll take my camera with me and get some great voyeuristic photographs of people.  meaning, they are unaware of the camera, thus not acting.  not posing.  just going about their emotional, or unemotional life.  and im simply observing it from a distance.  stopping time now and again with the snap of my camera.  an observer of life.  that’s me.

i like to blend in most of the time.  be a quiet onlooker in life.  listen to your words.  watch your body movements.  pay attention to your facial expressions, or lack there of.  analyze you.  your behavior.  your sounds.  your likes and dislikes.  i do have my masters degree in psychology.  perhaps that is why i love to observe and analyze you.  it’s harmless.  it’s educational.  it’s intriguing. it’s my favorite pastime.

not only do i like to people watch, but i also like to observe the world around me.  buildings that tell stories with their cracks and aged paint or bricks.  graffiti art that means something to someone.  the way the light creeps in between buildings.  the shadows created.  the wind blowing the earth, things people left behind., etc.  there is so much to see and it is impossible to take it all in.  therefore, there is always something new to see.  even if you are walking a road you’ve walked a thousand times.  if you look hard enough, you will find something you have never seen before.  or, you will look at something familiar and see it in a completely different light. it’s a beautiful thing.

as examples, here are a few photographs i took while observing life.

the world is a beautiful place.  what may appear ugly to some, can be beautiful and eye-catching to me.

key fact #4 about donna…i think a lot and speak a little….also suits my observer personality type.  they go hand in hand.

hello my name is donna, and i am an observer.

thanks for stopping by and come again tomorrow to learn about key fact #6.  i am an introvert.

wouldn’t you like to know…

key fact #4

4.  i think a lot and speak a little.

my head never really shuts up.  and there is no rhyme or reason to the madness upstairs.  it’s part tornado, and part buddhist temple.  75% of the time there is a storm brewing, ideas coming in and out.  thoughts blowing from one synapse to the next.  electricity firing and loud roaring voices talking over each other.  it’s a rager up there.  it can all get very…..intertwined.  for example, i’ll go into a room to grab something, and by the time i get to that room, i’ve forgotten why i was there because i had so many other thoughts shoot through my mind while walking from point A to point B.  it can be extremely frustrating. but it can also be extremely entertaining…

the other 25% of the time there is a spiritual calmness. buddha comes for a quick visit to clean up the mess after the storm.  bring me some calm before the next winds pick up.  it is that moment of serenity i seek daily, but is not always attainable because of the chaotic scenes spewing in and out of my brain.  its insanity really.

however, i have to admit, my overactive mind is not all bad/frustrating.  there are some real fun thoughts i get to play with too.  some great creative that emerges.  fun fantasies.  genius ideas.  well at least i like to think of them as genius.  LOL.

now that you have a general idea about my thinking, let’s move onto my speaking, or lack there of.  i don’t say much, in comparison to most in the world.  we live in an ego driven society.  seems to me most people want the focus on them, or want attention, or want to be heard.  im quite the opposite for the most part.  i don’t really search for the spotlight.  i don’t really NEED to be heard.  doesn’t mean i never want to be, just means i don’t NEED to be.  when in a group, especially a group of people i don’t know very well, i will take the role as the listener.  and i am a damn good listener.  i pay attention and i hear what the people in my company are saying.  and then i think about their words and opinions.  i analyze.  i quietly argue or agree.  but much of the time i will not share what’s going on upstairs with you.

why am i like that?  why don’t i want to share my thoughts and voice my opinion?  it’s simple.  and it links back to why i am such a thinker,  and  why i am an alcoholic and drank as i did.  im shy.  im scared.  im afraid i will say something stupid.  i often have trouble turning my thoughts into complete sentences.  this is one very real reason why i drank.  boozing it up took away all my inhibitions and fears.  when drinking, i was not so afraid to open my mouth.  i was free.  and i did the intimidating, not you.  tough girl donna was untied, while under the influence!

today i am sober.  i don’t drink to hide behind my fears any longer.  today i deal with them.  i stare my character defects in the face and challenge them head on.  i don’t want to be so shy and unspoken.  i really don’t.  i kind of enjoy being a thinker, but i wouldn’t mind being more of a speaker as well.  i am making improvements.  i am  breaking out of my shell more the longer i am sober.  it’s a VERY slow process, but i am okay with that.  because i am okay with who donna is.  yes, there is room for improvement.  there is always room for improvement.  but i am in no rush.  i’d rather really learn why i am the way i am so that i can fully understand in order to really develop depth in my change and growth.  this is no race.  and i walk with the pace life presents to me.

next blog.  key fact #5.  i am an observer.