I Love finding New Awesome People

Anyone interested in one, or all of the following:

1.  Sobriety

2.  Being Vegan/Vegetarian

3.  Lesbian/Gay Lifestyle

Should check out this new blog.  This woman is awesome!  I hope you will check it out and show some support by following and sharing.

www.soberveganlesbian.com

thank you my fellow blogging community!

634 days equals…

1 year.  8 months.  25 days.

That is how long I have been clean and sober, today.  One day at a time.  One feeling/emotion at a time.  One life event at a time.  One solution at a time.

My life is so good today.  And it is changing daily.  So many experiences have manifested since I chose to show up for my life.  1 year, 8 months, and 25 days ago I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.  I was sick.  Hung-over.  Ashamed of my behavior and my life.  I was angry and scared.  I was tired…exhausted.  I had no love for myself, and I certainly didn’t know how to love you.  I wanted to just vanish.

I am no longer that person.  I am not ashamed of who I am and the life I live and am no longer a puppet for the fear and anxiety that barely strung me along.

Life presents itself in so many forms, and today I embrace it, even if it is scary.  Even if I am unsure.  Even if I feel incapable of succeeding.  Where my thinking can destroy me, my perception can save me.  And with that truth I can trudge through anything. My world has changed dramatically since sobriety became my number one focus.  I recently left my job, after over a decade of working there.  I love the company I worked for.  I love the friendships I have made there.  However, it was time for me to move on.  To extend my creative playing field a bit more.  I needed a change.  And I went for it.  If I was not sober…if I had not worked this program during the past year and 8 months, I would never have followed through with my desire to grow in my career, and thus leave my job.  I would never have had the courage to do it.  Fear would have continued to consume me and I would likely have stayed where I was… comfortable, and therefore “safe.”  Today I see that as nice as it is to feel safe, there comes a time when risks need to be taken in order for growth to occur.

I am constantly growing.

Becoming a vegan has been a beautiful transformation for me in sobriety.  I realized the true definition of compassion.  After becoming sober, I became more present and aware of the horrible ways our human race treat animals that are slaughtered for food consumption. I could no longer be a consumer of meat and dairy after I witnessed the truth behind factory farming….because for me, it was not a compassionate, loving way to live any longer.  Sobriety brings many truths and many gifts.  Becoming vegan was one of them for me.

And more is constantly revealed.

I am in a committed, loving relationship with a truly beautiful, sober woman.  I get the opportunity to live a bi-coastal life, bouncing between New York and Los Angeles, living in the two best cities in the country, in my opinion.  Sobriety has given me this gift.  The confidence to be myself in my relationship.  Genuine and authentic.  Sobriety has taught me that with truth and honesty, grows intimacy.  And with intimacy, grows love.  Sobriety has taught me that my character defects do not define me, and I am lovable even with my faults.   My confidence and self-worth has blossomed, naturally.  I have learned the importance of loving without expectation.

Serenity is always near, should I want it.

I have sobriety to thank for that.  I wasn’t expecting to grow so much and have such awesome experiences in such a short period of time.  But it has happened, and if I continue to do the work, I suspect more gifts from life will appear, and growth will continue.

There are key tools for living that help make it easier….I have a couple go to suggestions that help me along the way…

The best tools for my life are:  Understanding and accepting that I am not in control.  Knowing and believing that most of my thinking and fears are not reality.  Realizing that if I just do the next indicated thing, and stay out of the results, life will work itself out.   It is all very simple, really.  And if I continue to live by these simple rules, I can say to myself:

dont worry

and for that, i am grateful!

Till next time…

#CMO2012 National Coming Out Day

while trolling facebook early this morning, i was made aware that today is national coming out day.  In reading that, i became overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude.  gratitude for being “out.”  for being loved by those in my life for exactly who and what i am.  not everyone agrees with my sexuality, but most people in my life seem to accept it.  and for that, i am grateful.

i remember when i realized i was gay.  that feeling of uncertainty.  excitement.  a new energy that illuminated. i had just been intimate with a woman for the first time.  my body spoke to me.  and so did hers.  it was a feeling i had never experienced before.  i was 24 years old.  and my life was about to change.

i never quite felt right with men.  i was always “one of the guys.”  i had boyfriends and experiences with men throughout my younger life, but i never really felt intimately connected to them.  They were buddies, not really boyfriends.  i tried, but was unsuccessful at playing the heterosexual.  even when i thought i was heterosexual!

at 24, i was handed a gift.  and since then, i have found passion.  intimacy.  love.  expression.  with women.  i began to live with a deeper sense of authenticity.

my “coming out” experience was fairly organic.  one day, i was gay.  and from that day on, i have been gay and will forever be, from what i can tell.   life just naturally progressed in that direction for me.  i told my closest friends, who claimed to know i was gay before i did.  i slowly came out to my family.  that was the scariest and toughest part of outing myself.  like i said, not everyone agrees with my sexuality, but most seem to accept it.

i feel blessed to have the ability to live without fear of my sexuality.  i believe in expression of who i am. and being gay is a huge part of that expression.  it does not define me, but it is a permanent glowing impression on my blueprint.

happy #nationalcomingoutday to all. #cmo2012 #countmeout

 

 

 

 

random act of kindness-8

description of random act of kindness #8-  noticing someone in distress, and taking the time to help them out.

it’s the tiniest acts of kindness that have the biggest impact.

so give a helping hand…don’t walk by blindly.

here i am in NYC, where there is constant construction it seems, and detours in and out of the buildings and stores…or just “stuff” in the way.  i was at the gap store yesterday, returning some shorts i decided i didn’t need.  at the register, im gazing off as the employee is making my return, and i see out of the corner of my eye a young woman, struggling with the door to get out of the store.  she had a very large baby stroller, of course with a baby lying in it.  this particular gap store is located right on the sidewalk, with a large step to get in and out of the entrance door…construction going on around it…not very convenient entrance or exit for a baby stroller (or a disabled person for that matter).

so rather than stand there and watch this poor woman struggle, or act as if i do not see whats happening, i chose to walk away from my transaction at the gap register, and take a second or two to help this poor woman with the door.  “lets start over, i said to her.  back up, and i will go outside and hold the door for you.”  she was outside and on to her next destination with in seconds.

that was easy.

and the woman was grateful for the help.  and i was happy to have assisted.  why sit back and watch or ignore people around us who might need a little assistance?  most people do just that…ignore it.  can’t be bothered.  they are in a hurry.  too busy.  etc.  i’m guilty…i’ve ignored before.  but it’s never too late to turn things around.  and i hope that is what i am doing with my life now…

living in compassion for myself and others.  being of service to you.  staying out of my own head.  out of my own way.  living in gratitude…

being kind to my fellows.

and in doing so, staying sober, one day at a time….in kindness.

pssst. i’m gay. deal with it.

the church these days seems to be getting less loving, less god-like, and more brutal in their preaching ways.  it’s bullying, plain and simple.  it’s hate.  it’s intolerance.  and it is not god’s way.  there have been many recent sermons that have gone viral due to their hateful message regarding the LGBT community.  i blogged about one a couple of weeks ago…a preacher who said us “gays” should be put on our own island, surrounded by an electric fence…where eventually we would all die off.  really?

it’s 2012, and i am shocked at the ignorance and fear that much of our world still lives in.  the fact that there is such brutal bullying that goes on today just breaks my heart.  our purpose on this planet is to live a spiritual and compassionate life.  to learn and grow through love and compassion for all living things.  and god made us different for a reason, in my opinion.  diversity makes the world go round. and to love all things living….. different from you….or the same….. is to really live.  it’s called unconditional.  you heard of it?  i don’t expect anyone to be perfect at this, as we are human.  but i do expect people to practice love, not hate.

to all you fearful anti-gay, bullying individuals out there:

why are you so afraid of me?  why are you so interested in my business and my choice of love and lifestyle?  why do you care who i say “i do” too?  or who i retire with at night?  i am not hurting anyone.  i am not affecting your life and your choices.  i have the right to live just as you, so stop trying to take my freedom away from me.  you do not have permission to take it.  it does not belong to you.  you do not have permission to hurt me.  to wound me with your words.  you do not have permission to tell me how to live.  what do eat.  where to work.  how to drive.  what to wear.  and you most certainly don’t have permission to tell me who to love.  and who not to love.  

does this make you feel better?  bullying with your words and labels.  making another fellow human being feel less than and not worthy of this amazing adventure we are all handed…life?

do you have any idea what effect you have on the children, teens, and adults that you bully and harass? the pain that is burned into their being by your phobic daggers?  the lives you halt by your insensitive, unloving, and certainly un-godly “defenses” against humankind.  yes, humankind.  the collective human race.

you defend (thru hate and bullying) heterosexuality as if same-sex marriage or same-sex love is, or will be, forced onto you personally.  stay in your hetero relationship.  i don’t care.  i think it’s fabulous if that’s the kind of love you choose.  after all, it’s about love, not gender.

do you have a child?  a niece or nephew?  godson or god-daughter?  imagine them being bullied at school for whatever reason..being overwieght, unattractive, too smart, etc.

it looks/feels something like this:

would you tolerate it?  would you just let your child, or your niece/nephew,  live with that abuse daily without trying to put a stop to it?  would you consider this kind of bullying from other kids acceptable?  would you encourage it?  i don’t think so. it’s intolerable.

so perhaps think real hard next time you decide to scream anti-gay, hateful words towards another person.  think about it while you are sitting in church on sunday, praising god with your anti-gay preacher suggesting us gays all be put to death.  or when it comes time to vote for giving the rest of the human race the opportunity to marry in love.  just think about it.

it could be your own kid that you are acting out against.

god didn’t grant us life so we can destroy it by defaming our fellows….especially by way of outward brutality.  this separation of people is against the rules.  play nice, or don’t play at all.  we all have the right to be here!

and that is my opinion.

 

 

i forgot how to use a pen!

not really, but do you remember the last time you received a handwritten letter from someone?  or the last time you sent a hand written note to someone?  do you recall the days when getting the mail was exciting…..the possibility of a letter from a friend or family member?  or lover?  the anticipation?  or the surprise?  those days a re long gone.

random acts of kindness pledge-day 4:  writing a hand written letter to my best friend, sarah.

we have been friends since age 14.  we’ve laughed, screamed, cried, fought with such loud vocalizations, God was telling us to shut up.  thankfully we never really physically fought,  although we did once get into a physical brawl over a beer in high school.  go figure.  that was quite a funny scene as i recall.  teenagers!  we were trouble back in the day.

so… i was thinking of dear sarah, and decided to sit down and hand write a letter to her.  i wanted to be personal, and a text or email just didn’t feel personal.  we use to exchange “notes” in high school daily.  personal little letters.  with silly sketches and drawings.  it was so fun.  and the handwritten quality of the notes made them personal.  writing with a pen takes effort and more time then a text or email.  you have some thoughts.  you put them down, pen to paper.  stuff it in an envelope.  throw a stamp on and hand it to the postman.  the receiver gets your thoughts a few days later.  not instantly via text or email.   there is an excitement nowadays, i would imagine, when a letter is found in ones mailbox.  it is a nearly extinct practice today.

with all the advancement in technology, the human race has become much less personable.  less social.  less friendly.  and much less authentic.  there is no need to be as real anymore.  at least not socially. true face-time is limited for many these days. and im not talking about the video chat application.  im referring to real face to face time spent together talking.   luckily most people still need to show up for work and school, so there is some human interaction there.  but it is far less than it was 15 or 20  years ago.  everyone is hiding behind their online profiles.  there is no need to be real and truly personal today, cause we are able to hide behind the facade of a social presence…called facebook. pinterest.  twitter.  foursquare. and the like.  as well as text messages and emails.  it’s the perfect hideout, especially for introverts like myself.  i do it.  im guilty.

however, i don’t think its the healthiest way to “socialize.” or  to show kindness or sentiment.  some things should be left offline.  which brings me back to the hand written letter to sarah.  i could have easily sent her a text message saying “hey, thinking of you and missing you.”

blah.  in using that route all the time, the meaning gets lost after a while.

but a hand written letter, unexpected.  that my friends, will put a big smile on sarah’s face…i suspect.

and so my  4th random act of kindness has been completed.  and in writing that letter, i got a rush of great memories of our fun times together back in the day…before marriage, kids, careers, and life stepped in.  it felt good putting pen to paper.

 

i hope she doesn’t see this blog post before her letter arrives.

random acts of kindness pledge-day 1

my journey towards being of service to others, bringing kindness to others, and finding my own gratitude in life, has begun.   365 days performing (at least) one random act of kindness daily…day 1.  it was a good day to begin, as i had a rough start upon awakening.  i needed to do something that would distract me from my own victim mentality and focus on someone else.

my dear friend and co-worker, elaine, loves dark chocolate covered ginger from the co-opportunity in santa monica.  so, on my way into work, i decided to stop by the co-op and grab her a treat for no good reason, other than i adore her and felt like making her smile that morning.  life can be tough and during those tough times, we can forget to use our smile muscles.  elaine needed to massage those muscles.  and i knew that.

i left the treat full of happiness on her desk and went about my business.  hopefully it made her feel a little extra loved…which she is.

i wonder what todays random act of kindness will look like?

the kindness commitment-365 DAYS

random acts of kindness.

a smile at a stranger.  the unexpected compliment.  offering a hug.  a hand written note.  a surprise home cooked (vegan) meal for your partner.

this has been a very strange week for me, emotionally.  i’ve been a tad bitter.  i’ve put expectations onto others, which always lead to disappointment.  i know better than that.  i’ve been selfish perhaps, with too much emphasis on my needs.  and in not getting what i feel i deserve or want, i turned cold.  maybe even a little passive aggressive.  such ugly qualities.  it’s that child in me screaming “i want! i want! i want!.”

i don’t like feeling this way at all.  it is an unattractive way for me to live.  an unpleasant position.  and i’d much prefer to simply be content and accepting of  life’s results throughout the day.  as i am not in control of them anyway, so why should i be controlled by them?

i have so much to be grateful for in my world.  so much to smile about.  yet i forget that when my mood takes over and my dark ego prevails, seeking fulfillment where fulfillment can’t possibly be found.

with that said, i decided i needed to come up with a way to bring my gratitude to the forefront daily.  a way to remind me of why we as a human race are here.  a way to take the focus off of me and my needs, and put that energy where it belongs…being of service to others, in a kind, gentle, human way.

so here is what i have decided to do:

I am committing to do more small acts of kindness.  at least one a day, for the next 365 days.  after that i am hoping it will just happen naturally, as it should.  i am a kind-hearted person, most of the time, and i love to help others and be kind to others.  however, i have a side that closes up quickly and when that happens, people know to get out of my way.  my friendly face goes into hiding.  i become unapproachable.  and i do not like it when that happens.  in fact, i can’t stand to be around myself when im in such ridiculous moods!

focussing on others through this new random act of kindness journey, will help me to stay away from that darker side, and focus on the good in me, and others.  it is really remarkable how when we take the focus off ourselves and help others…bring kindness to others…..our own mood and souls are given a warmth that is unexplainable.  it just feels right.  bring others kindness and your gratitude will blossom tenfold.  if you don’t believe me, follow me on this journey….

365 consecutive days of performing simple acts of kindness.

i will document the kindness daily on this blog.  and for a girl who lacks strength in commitment, this is a big pledge.  but i am on a journey of growth, so i am willing.  and i look forward to it.

I HOPE YOU WILL JOIN ME ON THIS PLEDGE TOWARDS MORE KINDNESS, SERVICE, AND GRATITUDE. ADD YOUR EMAIL AT THE TOP OF THIS BLOG WHERE IT SAYS “FOLLOW MY MIND VIA EMAIL” AND YOU WILL NEVER MISS A DAY ON MY JOURNEY TOWARDS MORE KINDNESS.  READY…SET….GO……..

im just like a rescue dog.

key fact #9 about donna.

9.  i am adopted.

i am just like all the other rescue animals in the world.  once an unwanted, mixed breed child with no home.  but i was whisked up into a loving family at the tender age of 19 days old.  i was “chosen,” as they say.  i am “special.”  eh…i never really bought those statements.  all children are created equal.  nothing extra special about me.  i was just a kid who needed a home.  and i got one.  a home that i am ever so grateful for and a family that i ultimately love to tears.

the breakdown of my immediate family:

who we are:

my adoptive mother, otherwise known as just plain MOM

my adoptive father, otherwise known as just plain DAD.  he passed away when i was three.

my adoptive sister, otherwise known as my older sister laura (she was also adopted).

my sister was adopted 6 years before i came into this world.

although my mother did not birth me, she gave me life.  she was there when i was sick.  she saw my tears when i was sad. or hurt.  she celebrated my birthday every year. she came to my ball games.  my brownie events.  she sold girl scout cookies to her co-workers for me so i could be prized as a top seller.  she cleaned me up when i scraped my elbows or knees.  she disciplined me, yet gave me freedom of self.  most of all, mom loved me into the woman i am.  and she still loves me.  she is my mother.   and she will always be my mother.  mom is a fighter and she took the reigns when dad died and  made sure my sister and i were well taken care of.  my mother is an amazing woman!  i wouldn’t change my situation even if i could.

being adopted, for me, was just who i was.  i never separated from that fact. it just was.

hello my name is donna and i am adopted.

i am grateful i was given up by my birth parents.  clearly if they felt the need to give me to another family, they did not have the skills to raise a child or the love to give a child.  so i’d rather be given to a family who wants me, then kept with a family who wished my conception never was.  perhaps that sounds harsh, but i certainly don’t mean it harshly. it’s the simple truth.

i know my birth parents today and much of my birth family.  i met them when i was 18 years old.  and i love them dearly.  and i am grateful i was given the chance at life, even if it wasn’t with them growing up.  consider the alternative, and i wouldn’t be here right now writing this blog.

so, im happy.

i’d like to briefly share three popular myths about us adopted kids.

Myth #1: Adopted kids grow up to have lots of problems.

us adoptees are generally very well-adjusted individuals.  studies actually show this.  being raised by a loving family, especially starting as an infant, is what makes a child blossom.  other issues that may arise in a person…..alcoholism, addiction of sorts, mental illness, educational problems, etc. are not to be blamed on adoption.  in my opinion most of these issues are hereditary.  not manifested from the fact that a person was adopted.  look at uggie.  he was adopted and he is a very well-adjusted, celebrity superstar!

Myth #2: You can’t really love an adopted child as much as you could love your “own” child.

this myth kind of pisses me off.  love is not limited to biology!  a child is a child is a child.  and a child is pure love.  yes there is something to be said for carrying a baby in your womb for 9 months, i am sure.  there is a bond that is irreplaceable, i imagine.  however, once you have a baby in your hands, and that baby is yours…biological or not, there is an instant love.  if there isn’t, then you probably shouldnt be a parent.  that’s my opinion.  someone who can’t love a baby because they are not made of the same dna as them, might have some issues of their own that need to be examined.  love of a child, biological or not, grows from the life experience together…from raising that child.  teaching that child.  nurturing and parenting that child.

Myth #3: Your adopted child will never really consider you her real parents.

bullCRAP.  real parents are there when a child is sick.  they hug you.  they stay up all hours of the night worrying about you.  they bake you birthday cakes.  they are there for all of your “firsts”.  real parents celebrate you daily.  they  monitor your vegetable intake.  they tell you no.  they discipline.  they praise you for accomplishments.  they give you allowance and they ground you from tv.  they love you unconditionally.  those are real parents!

LOL.  this picture is just plain funny so i had to share.

well, fact #9 has been revealed.  again i say, proudly:

hello my name is donna and i am adopted.

the anti-gay pastor preaches like an anti-gay lunatic

“If I had to say it again, I would say it differently, no doubt,” harris is quoted as saying. “Those weren’t planned words, but what I do stand by is that the word of God makes it clear that effeminate behavior is ungodly. I’m not going to compromise on that,” says north carolina preacher sean harris, in his defense against the outrage swarming his spoken word as a “man of god.”

effeminate behavior is ungodly?  that is the most ridiculous statement i have heard in quite some time.  it actually blows my mind to bits knowing that people, let alone people of god, are still speaking such ignorant, hateful words regarding the LGBT community. what year are we in? 2012.  things have changed mr. preacher man.  god is not the hater, you are.  in my opinion, you are a power-hungry man filled with such deep insecurity its hard for you to breathe on some days.  your authentic self is so buried deep in your ungodly soul that the spirit of the higher power you speak of is suffocating within you.  the dark walls that surround your being makes it hard for any light to seep through.  especially the light of god.  you are a bully.  your weapon of choice are your words.  you are damaging many lives with your judgement and lack of common knowledge regarding the human race, it’s differences, and the basis of lifes force…love.

lets now review your recent sermon and the lesson you give for treating effeminate behavior in our children.

wow.  as upsetting as your sermon makes me, my heart aches for you.  i have no choice but to have compassion for your ignorant views and beliefs.  your sad insight on god.  and your belief that he/she will judge us for who we choose to love.  and most importantly, your advice on punching our children, should they display any sort of “homosexual behavior.”  shame on you, pastor sean harris.  shame on you.

hello my name is donna and i am a lesbian.

i am a woman, and i love another woman.  my god will not punish me for giving my love to another.  male or female.  my god wants me happy.  joyous.  and free.  my god does not want me to judge my fellow human beings as ungodly.  for any reason.  because my god is love.  and love is the ultimate force of lifes drive.